The New year Takes off..!!!!

The new year was ushered in at the break of dawn.The chirping birds..the cool winter breeze...the bright green leaves...the small dew drops...the first sobre sunrays and my sleepy heartful smile...gave the year a flamboyant welcome.
As I stretched my body, and came out of the bed, I swiftly said my prayers, and reaffirmed my resolution of the year, and 'thud!' jumped out.
Somewhere inside, i was not filled with complete energy. Courtesy - my mom was not in town, secondly my sweet little granny had just been out of danger, from an unexpected health problem. So that anxiety was still persisting somewhere. But i had decided to make it a lovely day.
After my sumptuous break fast, cooked by my dearest dad, i left for CSS - Centre for Social Service, where i teach a bunch of girls, every fortnight. I had promised that i shall come to see them.
They were delighted to see me..and i was wished 'happy new year' and my hand was shook by 45 hands..almost all at once :) I spent a few hours with them, and rushed to my cousins' place as i had promised to come along with her for a movie - ghajini - a remake of tamil to hindi. To be very honest, and unbiased, I preferred the original. The Hindi one was a little boring. First because, it was a repetition - second , surya the tamil hero - being my favourite, i cast my votefor him ;) - thirdly my cousin, as though she didn't know i was unable to enjoy the movie, like a back ground music, began her comparision with the Tollywood and Bollywood industry, where she was against the former, and that infuriated me.
Being a South Indian , i was furious on the unnecessary comparision about 'telugu and tamil heroes vs hindi hereos' 'telugu and tamil songs vs hindi songs' 'telugu and tamil direction vs hindi' etc etc etc. Some of it might have been true, but i was not ready to take it.
A couple of days back, i had received an invitation from my uncle for a concert on jan 1st at Ravindra Bharathi (Hyderabadis will be aware of this conventional hall).
The concert was 'ila paata', which means 'whistel song'. Yes you are imagining it right. The music expert, Mr. Siva Prasad, sang song through whistles. He whistled all the Indian raagas, with the Carnatic orchestra. I was suppose to go there in the evening, and I rushed there after the movie.
I was not very much welcoming the idea, of going, as i was dog tired. But to keep up the promise i rushed. I was already late, and i badged inside. I was expecting my school friend too, when i immediately found her, I hurriedly went and sat beside.
looking at me, she gave a splash smile - meaning a smile that dissappears faster than it appears. 'you are late' she whispered. It sounded more like a hiss. 'I am sorry, I was late' I whispered back. ' I know. I just said the same, if you remember.' she hissed back.
The concert was very soothing and so was the A/C. We listened in silence for sometime.
My friend was hungry and she urged me to go out and eat something. All through our small walk, i explained my friend the reasons for my delay, and patiently told her about my ''not very excited. but quite happy' mood. When we reached we ordered for juice. Being a small place to sit, we decided to just stroll around as we drank.
We both are very good friends actually. We don't meet many times, but when we do..we have an infinite list of things to talk about. Being a vociferous speaker, I was excitedly narrating things to her with animated expressions, when i was interrupted by a 'madam' addressal. When i turned back, there was a boy in blue pants and shirt, with a napkin drooping over his shoulder.
Yes, he was the server boy of the hotel. I for a second, thought, if we had ordered for something and he had got it. But we had not.
My friend, also perplexed, asked 'yes?' Now looking at me he asked " Are you a film actress?". I was taken aback. My first attention went to my dress. no i was not dressed gawdy. A little hesistant by the question i replied ' no i am not'. He continued "No madam, you look like one. i feel i have seen you in a movie ' This time it was a jolt for me!! "ha ha ha ha me?!!Good gracious!!" i thought inside. But outside I maintained a balanced expression and nodded my head as no. He too nodded his head, in a way you do when you are disappointed about something, and slowly left the place.
My friend was watching me from the corner of the eye, when our eyes met, we burst out into laughter.On our way back she said " kyaa yaaar..okka rojulo heroine huh??!" (what's this heroine in a one day). I was smiling and said to her " Whatever it is lady...i don't know if he was kidding me.But this incident made my day!!" Our discussions, titled on to many other things...and we reached the hall, listened to the concert for a while and left.
That night when i reached home, I got a call from my mom saying my sweet little granny was getting better. On my bed, before i bid adieu to the new year's first day, i thanked two people.
One was my mom, for giving me a good news about my granny.The second one was the server boy in blue pants, who mistook me to be a heroine. :) His prank, (if it is at all, because through his face it genuinely seemed that he mistook me for a heroine;))gave in some kind of confidence. It just made me happy.
And am sure, this new year for me, will be memorable one in a quite different way..!!!!

Turning and Turning in the Widening Gyre

“Turning and Turning in the widening gyre the falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; The centre cannot hold;Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world

- Second Coming

These lines echo in my mind as I mutely gape at the things happening around me – The Mumbai blasts, the terrosists attacks, the shoot out at Hyderabad,Neighbour’s defence….
As yeats in his poem quotes “The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity”
When the Mumbai blasts took place, there was fear, rage and sorrow in all the faces I passed by.
The countries spited each other for the mishaps. The governments blamed each other for the irresponsibilties. There were protests, marches, debates, processions running all over the country. The authorities resigned, The opposition celebrated , and the public continued to protest. The media had a continuous coverage of the ongoing events. There were marathon discussions in office, among friends, in the local bus, trains ..everywhere. The public was talking.

But that is all past. Now, except for a few glimpes in the news, and few articles here and there, there are not much of discussions, protests happening. The public seems to have forgotten.

One evening, just recently,I had been to visit my good old school teacher. A man in his seventies, I saw him reclined on his chair, in the verandah, scronfully reading the evening newspaper. As I approached , he smiled at me and said “ Did you see, what’s happening around?”
I sighed, smiled and relunctantly said “ That’s an ironical question. I feel nothing’s happening around. All seems to be over”

He nodded down, smiled, and urged me to continue.

“The war seems to have passified sir. The fury, the rage that I saw in the news, in the people, and every where is no more found!! “ my voice seemed to break.

I continued “Has the public so soon forgotten? What was the use of the hue and cry so far then? What happened to the war we all wanted to wage??”

He looked at me, but his gaze and thought were beyond.. he said “Wasn’t this expected? Things are happening as they should happen dear. All’s going as usual, don’t break your head over this”
I was perplexed “ Common sir, you are being sarcastic, aren’t you?”

As though being happy, to catch him red-handed he said “ you ask what’s the use of hue and cry? Actually nothing. The government, as planned has put a cut face for a few days. The traces of public’s memory of the incidents will soon fade. By then the elections will soon approach, and then the new government comes in,making the vociferous and unfulfilled promises. Everything is coming back to normal “

“Why are you being so cynical” I asked

“Because my dear, this is happening since the bygone past. Is it not? The 1993 Mumbai blasts, The godhra incident, the kargil war, the curfews in kashmir. Everything came and went by – but things are just the same.what difference, have we been able to make?” he demanded, with a charged voice.

“so now what then ?” I asked, confused.

“A war. As you said.A war must be waged. But not against the government. Not against the terrorists. Not against the religion nor the creed. But against the anarchy that is doomed upon us”

He continued “ My heart overwhelmed with happiness,when thousands of civilians marched in support of the military and vehemently condemning the government, after the taj incident. The unity brought in so much strength, no cast , no creed and no boundaries at all. “ He stopped.Tears filled his eyes, and I did not wanted to stop him “This unity dear,must last forever. The war must continue , against the anarchy. The protests have stopped. But the silent war must be raged by all of us”

“How sir?”

He sighed “ what is this thing called? Ah democracy!! What does it mean?”

“For the people,of the people and by the people” I replied

“ah yes!!! Everytime the war is raged on what did the xyz do for the people. But have we been asking what could be done by the people?”

“wage a war against the anarchy.wagea war by doing your duties well. This war should not end with the protests. To gain discipline and transperancy the public must work towards it. The government will not. The authorities will not. The public only should and could do it. Remember, democracy is by the people too”

The discussion continued for sometime.It was like a counselling for my troubled and restless thoughts. later bid adieu and was on my way back.

As I walked back home,I reconciled on my thoughts.
This war that had begun and ended , must be resumed. Not against anyone, but against us. Against the self. Questions should be shot at the intangible entity called conscience “ Am I being good bus driver? A good income tax officer? A good police officer? A good IAS officer? A good revenue offcier? A good taxi driver?A good business man? A good consumer? A good traffic police? Good student? Good teacher? We must ask it to ourselves. Answer it first. If you are content and guilt free, then blame any tom dick and harry.it’s accepted.

You might ask, how can a lay man bring a change?
I will tell you. The change must start from small things. Yes, from us.
If we really want to see the change, then we must be the change too.
Follow the traffic rules, pay the taxes correctly,throw the garbage in the dustbins only,pay the cable bill and current bill on time, don’t bribe to get the work done,seek the right to information, pay auto only by the meter charge..if we can list out things where we can correct ourselves we can.

This governemnt is ours. And it’s our responsilibity to correct it. If something is not right,we must stand up and have the courage to say it. Tell me ,if your house is on fire, do you blame your neighbour?
We compromise. Yes we do ! And when things go wrong, all of a sudden from no where our patriotism, the faults of others, the responsibilties all flush down..

It’s ok to bribe and get your liscene faster than 20 days..
It’s ok to convince the police with money and get off with traffic rules charge…
It’s ok to pay extra and get your work faster than others…
But it’s not ok..if government does not do it’s duties well..what justfication does this have?

I am not imagning an utopian world. Nor am I trying to be the saint. I am just reminding you and myself that ,change has to happen. And if it has to, then it must begin with us. As long as we are laid back, and think Mr. X, Mr. Y and Mr. Z will do it, then I assure you, they will not and things will remain the same.

If you really want to see the change,then bring it. Don’t wait for the second coming.
Be the change you want to see.

Fabuloso Viaje - A fantastic Journey

It begins with filling my heart.
All over.The Melancholy.
It streams down into the grooves of my heart, from the unknown origin.
The dark night outside, supervenes my restlesness.
A Restlessness. From where has it crept?
The wind roars outside,terrifying my fragility
---- What's making my heart heavy?
Is it the desire to have every thing?.....the urge to change something?
what is it?
The melancholy seeps down moving swiftly into my heart and nerves..I am sitting motionless--- I can no more bear the pain..tears roll down..
down and down..
the droplets that fall on my palm, mirror me, my drooped feeling-- a feeling to have everything.--- a feeling to change something.
Everyday i wake up with a desire to change the world and an urge to enjoy the world.
Its hard to do both. I realise.

I want to change everything around me.
When things don't go my way..I want to change those things...
But.. I drop down..
The zeal in me,
The want in me, is slowing down.
why can't I move up and break?
something is stopping me..
Is it a doubt..if I can reach the utopian?

I sense, am no more the only charioteer of my chariot.
If I were, things would go my way.
I heavily shut my eyes and lock them.
I turn around and walk down.Down in to my heart.Searching for the source.
I walk, walk and walk.deep, deep and deep.There is darkness, everywhere,everywhere.
No trace,no clue.
After hours, I see a light , far far away.
I see it..and I run, and run. fast and swift.panting, panting I stop.
Am catching my breath.There is light here, everywhere, everywhere.
Its the same world I see outside.At the same time, it's different.
There is light, everywhere here.
Immense and Intense.I shun my eyes from the glow.

The pasture beneath my feet is green and fresh..The sky far above me, is clear and bright..
There is silence here..yet, through it I can hear the water ripples..
the chirping birds...
the swinging branches....
the blooming flowers....
the buzzing bees...
Am in the wonderland?
Then I see a girl.
She is playing!
She has a bright face, lightened up with immense joy.
The Alice in the wonderland?
Lucky.I think and sigh.

Then, I suddenly hear a voice.Deep and Bold.
It starts speaking..
It says " You know her"
Perplexed, I reply " I don't"
" You do".
Am surprised now ...."Who is she?"
"She is you"
"I?" There is bewilderment in my eyes.
"yes the I, with a difference"
"???"
"Its an I with hope"
"hope?"
"si. She is like you. An 'I' with dream, vision and strength. But she has one thing more. The hope. The hope, to change. The hope to bring change. The hope to see change"
"???"
The bold voice says " You are the charioteer of your chariot.If things are not going your way, it's because of you.The world you see now, here, is your dream. A dream you have dreamt. A dream you want to live. You can make this dream live, only if....."
" if?"
"if...u have HOPE. never lose it. then you can do it"
"Do what?"
"what u dream" there is silence now.
After a long pause I hear the voice again.
It says "Be the alice in the wonderland"



Then, all of a sudden it ends.The voice and the light.I am pulled back.By the force and the wind.I am flying, backward.crossing the roads and the grooves, i had come by.I pass everything, in haste and speed.
I suddenly open. yes, my shut eyes.I unlock them and come out. My tears are dried.The deluge died.Outside, the dawn breaks.The sky drapes in orange. Its beams , slowly creeping up.I can no more hear the roars of the wind.There is breeze. The pleasent breeze from the far off land, rushes down , to soothen my bossom,to soothen my unknown pain, to soothen my hope and brushes me with a kiss...as a smile down"

Its My birthday!!

Hey...its my birthday today!! And it was a very very happy birthday..
Every year i just wait for this one day..coz this would be my day..and my day alone,and i would get all the attention I love!
Today was something very special...I am an employee now,and celebrated my whole day at office.
The previous night mom dad n bro had a yummy cake for me,and presented a cute little teddy!
All yesterday night i was busy with phone calls...and it was great to get that attention...
Today i got many gifts,by friends and collegues..and i bought myself a good book too from the exhibition that's put up @ our office.And the best part was,when i went in to buy a bag for myself...the shopkeeper, looking at my special dressing, asked if there was something special. To this i smiled and said that it was my birthday and began to stroll around to select a bag . Later, before giving me the bill he scribbled something on it and gave it to me ..as i eagerly took it to read, what he had written , i saw two lovliest words on it "happy birthday" . Don't you think, that made my day?! Yes it did actually :)
ha ha..on the whole had a lovely time..and i thank the one, sitting above, for giving me such a wonderful time and life every moment......:)

An ode to my doddappa...

Lives and relationships are so important;and we realise it only in the absence of the loved ones.Though we are all aware of this fact,I acknowledged it only after my doddappa’s(my father’s elder bro) demise just day before yesterday.He was here with us on May 6th,to bless my mom and dad on their marriage anniversary,and after he reached bangalore safely on 8th may,on 10th may we heard this news.All of us were shattered and wrecked.It was a blow to all of us.The eldest brother among the 8 sibblings,he was known for humbleness,caring nature and sensitivity.Though he was our maxpa,his age equalled to that of grandfather.so we all shared a kind of grandpa relationship with him.
He was a widower,and has suffered the loneliness almost for 20 years.As long as he was alive he had a feeling that everybody didn’t care for him.He thought he was cornered and not recognized.And as a matter of fact,yes we did take him for granted-as all of us do with all our old people.His duties were over,and he actually didn’t have anything to do.Any advice that he gave us was for free,and all of us,including his sibblings and their children and their grandchildren thought themselves to be the intelligenstia.
I know am going too personal,but something deep within me is asking me to write .As long as my doddappa was alive,I never took the oppurtunity to tell him that I care for him ,love him and concerned about him.And today,I repent that I haven’t bid him a loving adieu.After his demise,hundreds of people turned up,to have a glance of him.His chilhood buddies,class mates,bank collegues,close relatives and distant cousins.All of them were crying ,yelling and shedding tears.But what is the use?He is not there to receive it.As long as he was alive,every day,he waited for phonecalls from his friends ,brothers’ children ,collegues.But none returned a call.All of them,were apparently busy.And today when he was lying on the death bed motionless,all of us realised how important he was for us,and how many lives he had changed.Unfortunately,the law of nature is we don’t realise a person’s presence until his absence.
And this made me cry all the more.My doddappa wanted to be recognised.He wanted to hear from others “seshu,we love you and thank u for what all you have done to us “ ; though people thought of him like that,they never opened up to say this.I feel ,this is not an exceptional case.It happens with every man,who is alive .Tell me ,how many of us talk to our grandparents and other elders for long hours with patience,and just let them know that we love them..we assume that they are acknowledging the fact.But this incident reminded me that,feeling love towards someone ,is not equal to telling them “I love you,or care for you”
So this day I decided,that I will cherish every moment that I am going to spend with my loved ones.I shall tell them that I love them and care for them.I will make them feel that they are important to me-my grand mom,my uncles,parents,cousins ,every one.
I don’t know ,if this is all related to you in anyway.But the reason am writing this is,I want all of you to read it.I think you too can reconcile and realise how lucky you are to have loving family,and friends around you.I thank God,that he had given me a great man,my doddappa called sheshagiri rao.Though I didn’t tell him how we all loved him,as long as he was alive,today..i open up and want to tell him.

My dearest doddappa,
I love you.we all love you and care for you.You were a great man.A man of resilience and patience.you changed so many lives,and had been their saviour.We shall,as long as we live will feel obliged to you.I could not say these words when you were here,but nevertheless I know somewhere deep within and far away you will be hearing my words.I love you doddappa,and I will miss you a lot.Thank you so much,for coming into our lives.thank you.


Your’s loving niece
Nandita.

One Day Batting

You open the book.Read the first line.As you are moving to the second.You suddenly remember,you are thirsty.You get up ,go to the kitchen,search for the glass ,fill it and drink water. You come back,to the study room.Re-read the second line, as you move on to the third,you feel your face is very oily ,and its hot all over the room.You get up and switch on the fan. Come back ,sit and manage to read the whole page. Next,hunger pangs.you wonder why?you had your breakfast just now,how are you hungry again..probably too much of studying..you go out ask mom,if the lunch is ready.she frowns ,points out at the clock on the wall.Dissappointed you go back to study. Another 30 min you fidget with the stationary shop around you,and the printed pages before you.Your eyes start becoming heavy..something is happening.eyelids are closing down. You are not aware ,how much time had passed by,when you hear ,mom ‘s voice.you get up and stretch yourself.You cannot make out why she is scolding you,as you pay attention to her words,she is scolding you for sleeping.oh!! did I doze off? Yes you did. Next comes lunch,with music by mom in the background.”you have only one day for the exam,and how could you sleep?There is absolutely no seriousness.you are a grown up kid …..kjdkhfhjf..jdh..hfgfvvc!” You are determined in the post lunch period-“no ,I shall not sleep.i will finish 3 chapters,in 3 hours.take 10 min break and finish the rest.tomorrow I will revise,and day after tomorrow ,will write the exam without tension.Then I will be ahead of my friends..he he he” Unfortunately,the pre lunch schedule was imminent.You repeat,the same actions-drinking water,switching on the fan,fidgeting,having a stroll,remembering something suddenly,taking a break for 10 min which continues to another 60. Its evening,dinner time.you feel very tired,and go off to bed. While going to sleep you say to yourself “I still have tomorrow.i will utilise my time very well,and finish everything.I promise.” Next day,you get up early.5.30 AM.Go brush your teeth,and sit before the book.As you look into them,the letters are dancing and are becoming hazy.The next thing you see,when you open the eyes.Bright yellow sunrays,gushing through the window sills.Its 8 already! How could I doze off!! You curse yourself. The daily routine begins,bathing ,breakfast,quarrels with sibbling,glancing at the TV….adddf..hdyfgf…hyfdggc etc Now the time is 6.00 pm.Dad comes back from office,you’re watching TV.He friendlyly asks you “All prepared beta?” still looking at the screen,you answer “yes papa.I am”You manage to sit there for 2 min,slowly you get up and go to the room.Dad’s eyes follow you .You turn back, smile and say “ last revision ,dad” and you close the door. ”Panic panic panic!!” “how could I waste my time watching tv! God tomorrow is the exam! And I know nothing.And I tell them last revision.my foot!” You sit to study.No resolutions needed,no time limits.you go on studying.Time passes by,tension is increasing,you are going at a fast pace.But the speed is not sufficient.Mom calls for dinner.Food is no longer of any interest.You study…Its 11.00,then 1.00,then 3.00,then 5.00.Atlast,you managed to give it a reading.But there are few things to brush up.You can do it ,while going to college. All set.your lucky dress,your lucky pen.You pray to your favourite God.You are eating.You wouldn’t have minded if there was grass for breakfast.your attention is not on plate,but on the last minute notes.Get up,recheck your bag,hall ticket,pen,pencil,scale.yes all is set.Bid mama good bye…and give her a tight hug.Dad is dropping you.All the way to college,your attention is on the last minute note.you are mumbling something…trying to remember the points,recheck the notes.You reach college,bid dad good bye…before he wishes you all the best,you are already into the college gate.Desperate to meet friends.”would they be all prepared?Priyanka,the topper,she would have read everything.I know”you think. As you inter the class,you can feel the tension.All look like Albert Einsteins and Newtons.” Girls did you study?All prepared?”you ask your gang of friends. “ No yaaar….One day batting .you? they ask.Relieved by their answer,you reply with a sad smile” same here.Touched the book yesterday,in its true sense” Combined study continues for half an hour.Moments later,you are sitting on your respective tables.waiting anxiously for the exam paper.you have all together,planned for a team work.After a while,the question paper is before you.You quickly glance through each question ,as you read each of them,you mumble “ yes,I know this” “ ha..this is manageble” “hmmm easy one..can write” “little thinking needed,will answer it at the end”..on the whole ,the paper was not a shock.You look at your friend ,sitting back of you,she nods with a smile.you understand: paper is easy.in case of help,we will ask each other. After the exam ,you are all happy.Discussing the answers. Deep within a voice of yours thanks someone “ Thank you GOD…next time..no one day batting “ (But you subconsciuosly know,that one day batting is imminent )

Driving is an ART in India

Driving in India is an art in India.To be precise,it is a gruelling art.While it takes a great experience to drive on the kuccha roads of our villages—it demands for an altogether different mind set and practice to drive in our metropolitans and big cities.
Shockingly,the more you practice this art ,the greater challenges you face.
This art reguires the driver to be,
· Attentive, to react to unexpected moves by the co-commuters
· Smart,to change,break and make rules when situations demand
· Patient,to tolerate the chaotic traffic with a blissful smile
This sounds like a drivers’ qualification check list.But ,believe me ,driving amidst the traffic demands not only for a thorough physical practice but a mental training too.
A regular driver needs to have a regular health check up ,just to see if his BP is under control.
You are bombarded with several emotions(anger,fear , impatience) all along your drive,that it becomes humanly impossible to have a composed day,if the mind doesn’t get trained to the impassable traffic.
Thankfully,this training happens by itself.Once you are in the war field,you learn to shield yourself.

After good years of rugged experience you might start seeing great changes within you:
You might calm down and play less heed to irritable sounds viz. unsoothning vehicle horns, loud arguments, obnoxious abuses and shrieking bus tyres.
You might begin to accept the traffic violaters,learning license drivers,confused and nervous drivers.
You might become indifferent to kuccha main roads,over flowing drainages and perennially ‘under repair’ roads

You learn the philosophy of driving “Expect the unexpected”—Day dreamers crossing the roads at their own leisure, unexpected break downs, sudden vehicle encounters from the opposite directions.

In that short span drive ,you get to know the varities of driving –The Bold Driving,The confused Driving,The careless Driving ,The Indifferent driving and lastly the Ladies Driving.
The most pitiable people amidst this violent drama,are the traffic police –The uncared,The unimportant and The Unseen.Basking under the scorching sun,the only benefit they get is the timely salary,and if they are lucky enough, they might have a bumper chance of “ fine” given by traffic violaters.

A Deliberate Mockery:

What is all this?
A deliberate mockery.
How long shall we tolerate and be a part of indifference and indiscipline.
The indifference and indiscipline among us.The public.

Marathon meetings,Excellent Budget plans,Incentive and warnings by the authorities of least help ,if the change doesn’t germinate within us.
There is no Government that is devoid of corruption and irresponsibilty.why then,are other countries progessing faster than us?
The reason : WE. The cause: OUR ATTITUDE


‘Let Go Away’ attitude must be curbed.sophistication must be cultivated.

Try not to exceed speet limits,
Try not crossing the red signal,
Try not overtaking others,
Foot paths are only for the foot pathers,enjoy the privilege….Just for one day!

This problem does not confine only to traffic,but extends to the whole of our country affairs.Be it Government,Corporates,Institutions.Everything.
We must realise that we are the means and bondage for a “change” to occur.
Believe me,as long as ‘A’ does not change,’B’ wouldn’t and ‘C’ will never.

Let us bring a meaning to the word ‘democracy’—By the people,For the people and To the people.
The mantra for today’s success is :BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE