It is so nice....

It is so nice to be here
Just here..
With no wonder on 'where' and 'what'...

It is so nice to be here
Right here..
With no walk on 'period' and 'past'...

It is so nice to be here
Just here..
With no thought on 'future' and 'perfect'

It is so nice to be here
Right here..
With no doubt on 'when' and 'how'

It is so nice to be here
Right here.
Just here..in the present...forever...

A talk with God.....

He was sitting on the rest chair, lonely placed on the beach.

The dusk had long gone by..and the moon was just raising to reign the night. The night was windy....

As i walked to him..I saw him giggling at me , and as I neared, his giggle turned to a laughter...

"What are you laughing at?" I reproached defiantly...

"Nothing it's just about the way you put your face" he smilingly said

I had nothing , to say..and i just shrugged.

With my coming he gently got up, and we walked along the sands of the beach. The night was windy, and the rhytmic waves gave a music.

He slowly began.."So my dear, what is that, upsetting you?".

" As though you are oblivious of everything happening around, father" I snapped

"I am sorry, I am trying to be serious. please tell me" He seemed to resist his smile beneath.

"Stop mocking at me father! I have a problem and you know that" I shot back, with my moist, swollen, red eyes

"oh my you are really sad!" he looked appalled.

Looking at my worn out face, he continued "ok let's get serious. I know you are sad at the way things are happening around you. But as I had told you earlier, you have to hold on"

" Hold on?My foot! Hold on to what? As i walk in the dark...and beg for an answer, beyond the moon you peep up and just smile.

when tears fill my eyes..and feel there is no one around, through the windy breeze you simply pass by.when i ask you again and again and again to tell me something..you simply walk away like a stranger"

"Don't you know that i do everything with a purpose dear?" he was calm and thoughtful now.

" Purpose father? " my voice was shivering. " you talk about purpose. of what use is that purpose, if i don't know why am being treated the way am being treated? what is the use of the purpose, if i don't know how is it gonna help me?"

"my dear...purpose is right there..and you are not looking at it"

i went to defend...but he stopped with the wave of his hand.

" You think i get fun, in making you all cry? My dearest, I don't. It's with great pain, that i see you suffering. Every problem , i give you has an intention. It is to make you better"

My fury was brimming out.."father." i sighed." In your name, for your sake , i beg, can you explain me, for what and why and how are we made better individuals? my problem is not about you giving me problems. my problem is for the unknown reason you give them to me or us"

He had to make his point..but i stopped "gimme a chance father"

" My school teacher in my 3rd class had given me 10/20 in a test. when i went in and asked the reason for such poor grade, she made me sit beside her and told me, that i had made 2 spelling mistakes in my first answer, 2

grammar mistakes in the second answer..a mistake here, there and one here."

He had a quiziccal expression on his face.

I continued " you see this father, She told me, why had i been given less marks. I thought i shall correct from there on, satisfied i left. But....when i ask you aloud "father why are you giving me this" you tell me nothing. nothing means nothing. And i grope in the dark for an answer, but of no avail"

All this while he was simply smiling. he slowly said "you will not understand even though i explain you child "

And that infuriated me.

"Alright, have it your way then." I sighed. "If thou are so determined to make me cry and lose over my confidence, then let me tell you something I shall not. I shall not allow myself to lose thy confidence. Let the stars turn off...let sky go dark..let the leaves wither away. I promise, to myself, that i shall stand by. You want to see, how i look when i cry? I am sorry, i shall not give you that chance.I love my life, and am not gonnna brood over it. I know i am strong and shall remain so."

Saying this, I furiously walked away. Tears trippled down my cheeks. But i hurried for the fear of he stopping me. But he seemed to be standing where he was. And I didn't look back.

Then , i heard him aloud saying " my dearest..!!"

I stopped, my back facing him.

"I bet, the classroom test could not have taught, what you just felt and spoke!"

I started to move without looking at him.

His anxious voice was heard again aloud "Don't go away like that dear. Remember, every word i say, you are never given a problem that you cannot solve. And know that I love you more than you love me"

This time i stopped and looked back.

He was 10 feet away from where i was standing. In the dim lit moon light I could see his serene face. He was smiling, the way he always did. He whispered...in his lowest voice...and the wind carried his words to me " See you tomorrow. I shall wait for you" He smiled and left.

When are you coming..?

The night is dark.
The crickets din is soothing.
The moon light spreads the silver light all across the grass lands.
The hard rocks, brown and strong stand erect.
On one of them I sit, with my bare feet kissing the hard cold stone.
There is no movement anywhere.
My eyes gaze at the far round moon, blissfully seated beyond the horizon.

Awaiting you...I sit here for long
Do I have to wait till the break of dawn?

Now….. The cool breeze blows down…
It’s the Wild West wind, bringing along with it the aroma of silence, sweetness and bliss
The chilly wind, brushes my cheek...Curls down my hair and runs down my spine
With a whooshing sound it creates a music…to which the flowers sway…leaves flutter and water tappers…

The moon raises high beyond the horizon…as though seated on an invisible cradle
With a smile decorating my face…a hope brightening my eyes…a blush beautifying my fragility
I sit in silence, awaiting you.
I wait in silence.
I wait in earnest.

But the silence seems to be eternal…
The wind is still blowing
The leaves still fluttering
The flowers still swaying
The world is sleeping and I am waiting
How long?

The eagerness blended with love…
Colored with innocence…
Spiced with blissful music…and brewed with restlessness…personifies into a tear drop. The tear trickles down my cheek and drops on to my palm.
There is still silence. And my eyes are moist.
How long?

Now...a little while later…all of a sudden
The sleeping wind awakes…It rushes down from the mountains behind…and runs to the horizon in eagerness, and whirls there for a while…and comes back to me in a hurry…
It makes a whooshing sound…creeps into my hair and encircles me around!
It teases my smile and brushes my cheek…
And eagerly whispers in my ears ‘coming!’
To this my eyes liven, tears dry…and lips curve to make a smile
The Wild West wind runs down all over, spreading ‘your coming’
Hearing this flowers beam…!
Leaves flutter…!
Grass sways…!
The water ripples down murmuring a sweet music…’at last you are coming’ they sing
At the behest of moon, the sky is decorated with stars…
At the behest of the water… the ripples play the music…
At the behest of the wind … the aroma spreads the flavor of love and joy…
The leaves and the flowers sway and dance in delight…
There is laughter, love and bliss…
we are all waiting....'when are you coming?’

The New year Takes off..!!!!

The new year was ushered in at the break of dawn.The chirping birds..the cool winter breeze...the bright green leaves...the small dew drops...the first sobre sunrays and my sleepy heartful smile...gave the year a flamboyant welcome.
As I stretched my body, and came out of the bed, I swiftly said my prayers, and reaffirmed my resolution of the year, and 'thud!' jumped out.
Somewhere inside, i was not filled with complete energy. Courtesy - my mom was not in town, secondly my sweet little granny had just been out of danger, from an unexpected health problem. So that anxiety was still persisting somewhere. But i had decided to make it a lovely day.
After my sumptuous break fast, cooked by my dearest dad, i left for CSS - Centre for Social Service, where i teach a bunch of girls, every fortnight. I had promised that i shall come to see them.
They were delighted to see me..and i was wished 'happy new year' and my hand was shook by 45 hands..almost all at once :) I spent a few hours with them, and rushed to my cousins' place as i had promised to come along with her for a movie - ghajini - a remake of tamil to hindi. To be very honest, and unbiased, I preferred the original. The Hindi one was a little boring. First because, it was a repetition - second , surya the tamil hero - being my favourite, i cast my votefor him ;) - thirdly my cousin, as though she didn't know i was unable to enjoy the movie, like a back ground music, began her comparision with the Tollywood and Bollywood industry, where she was against the former, and that infuriated me.
Being a South Indian , i was furious on the unnecessary comparision about 'telugu and tamil heroes vs hindi hereos' 'telugu and tamil songs vs hindi songs' 'telugu and tamil direction vs hindi' etc etc etc. Some of it might have been true, but i was not ready to take it.
A couple of days back, i had received an invitation from my uncle for a concert on jan 1st at Ravindra Bharathi (Hyderabadis will be aware of this conventional hall).
The concert was 'ila paata', which means 'whistel song'. Yes you are imagining it right. The music expert, Mr. Siva Prasad, sang song through whistles. He whistled all the Indian raagas, with the Carnatic orchestra. I was suppose to go there in the evening, and I rushed there after the movie.
I was not very much welcoming the idea, of going, as i was dog tired. But to keep up the promise i rushed. I was already late, and i badged inside. I was expecting my school friend too, when i immediately found her, I hurriedly went and sat beside.
looking at me, she gave a splash smile - meaning a smile that dissappears faster than it appears. 'you are late' she whispered. It sounded more like a hiss. 'I am sorry, I was late' I whispered back. ' I know. I just said the same, if you remember.' she hissed back.
The concert was very soothing and so was the A/C. We listened in silence for sometime.
My friend was hungry and she urged me to go out and eat something. All through our small walk, i explained my friend the reasons for my delay, and patiently told her about my ''not very excited. but quite happy' mood. When we reached we ordered for juice. Being a small place to sit, we decided to just stroll around as we drank.
We both are very good friends actually. We don't meet many times, but when we do..we have an infinite list of things to talk about. Being a vociferous speaker, I was excitedly narrating things to her with animated expressions, when i was interrupted by a 'madam' addressal. When i turned back, there was a boy in blue pants and shirt, with a napkin drooping over his shoulder.
Yes, he was the server boy of the hotel. I for a second, thought, if we had ordered for something and he had got it. But we had not.
My friend, also perplexed, asked 'yes?' Now looking at me he asked " Are you a film actress?". I was taken aback. My first attention went to my dress. no i was not dressed gawdy. A little hesistant by the question i replied ' no i am not'. He continued "No madam, you look like one. i feel i have seen you in a movie ' This time it was a jolt for me!! "ha ha ha ha me?!!Good gracious!!" i thought inside. But outside I maintained a balanced expression and nodded my head as no. He too nodded his head, in a way you do when you are disappointed about something, and slowly left the place.
My friend was watching me from the corner of the eye, when our eyes met, we burst out into laughter.On our way back she said " kyaa yaaar..okka rojulo heroine huh??!" (what's this heroine in a one day). I was smiling and said to her " Whatever it is lady...i don't know if he was kidding me.But this incident made my day!!" Our discussions, titled on to many other things...and we reached the hall, listened to the concert for a while and left.
That night when i reached home, I got a call from my mom saying my sweet little granny was getting better. On my bed, before i bid adieu to the new year's first day, i thanked two people.
One was my mom, for giving me a good news about my granny.The second one was the server boy in blue pants, who mistook me to be a heroine. :) His prank, (if it is at all, because through his face it genuinely seemed that he mistook me for a heroine;))gave in some kind of confidence. It just made me happy.
And am sure, this new year for me, will be memorable one in a quite different way..!!!!

Turning and Turning in the Widening Gyre

“Turning and Turning in the widening gyre the falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; The centre cannot hold;Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world

- Second Coming

These lines echo in my mind as I mutely gape at the things happening around me – The Mumbai blasts, the terrosists attacks, the shoot out at Hyderabad,Neighbour’s defence….
As yeats in his poem quotes “The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity”
When the Mumbai blasts took place, there was fear, rage and sorrow in all the faces I passed by.
The countries spited each other for the mishaps. The governments blamed each other for the irresponsibilties. There were protests, marches, debates, processions running all over the country. The authorities resigned, The opposition celebrated , and the public continued to protest. The media had a continuous coverage of the ongoing events. There were marathon discussions in office, among friends, in the local bus, trains ..everywhere. The public was talking.

But that is all past. Now, except for a few glimpes in the news, and few articles here and there, there are not much of discussions, protests happening. The public seems to have forgotten.

One evening, just recently,I had been to visit my good old school teacher. A man in his seventies, I saw him reclined on his chair, in the verandah, scronfully reading the evening newspaper. As I approached , he smiled at me and said “ Did you see, what’s happening around?”
I sighed, smiled and relunctantly said “ That’s an ironical question. I feel nothing’s happening around. All seems to be over”

He nodded down, smiled, and urged me to continue.

“The war seems to have passified sir. The fury, the rage that I saw in the news, in the people, and every where is no more found!! “ my voice seemed to break.

I continued “Has the public so soon forgotten? What was the use of the hue and cry so far then? What happened to the war we all wanted to wage??”

He looked at me, but his gaze and thought were beyond.. he said “Wasn’t this expected? Things are happening as they should happen dear. All’s going as usual, don’t break your head over this”
I was perplexed “ Common sir, you are being sarcastic, aren’t you?”

As though being happy, to catch him red-handed he said “ you ask what’s the use of hue and cry? Actually nothing. The government, as planned has put a cut face for a few days. The traces of public’s memory of the incidents will soon fade. By then the elections will soon approach, and then the new government comes in,making the vociferous and unfulfilled promises. Everything is coming back to normal “

“Why are you being so cynical” I asked

“Because my dear, this is happening since the bygone past. Is it not? The 1993 Mumbai blasts, The godhra incident, the kargil war, the curfews in kashmir. Everything came and went by – but things are just the same.what difference, have we been able to make?” he demanded, with a charged voice.

“so now what then ?” I asked, confused.

“A war. As you said.A war must be waged. But not against the government. Not against the terrorists. Not against the religion nor the creed. But against the anarchy that is doomed upon us”

He continued “ My heart overwhelmed with happiness,when thousands of civilians marched in support of the military and vehemently condemning the government, after the taj incident. The unity brought in so much strength, no cast , no creed and no boundaries at all. “ He stopped.Tears filled his eyes, and I did not wanted to stop him “This unity dear,must last forever. The war must continue , against the anarchy. The protests have stopped. But the silent war must be raged by all of us”

“How sir?”

He sighed “ what is this thing called? Ah democracy!! What does it mean?”

“For the people,of the people and by the people” I replied

“ah yes!!! Everytime the war is raged on what did the xyz do for the people. But have we been asking what could be done by the people?”

“wage a war against the anarchy.wagea war by doing your duties well. This war should not end with the protests. To gain discipline and transperancy the public must work towards it. The government will not. The authorities will not. The public only should and could do it. Remember, democracy is by the people too”

The discussion continued for sometime.It was like a counselling for my troubled and restless thoughts. later bid adieu and was on my way back.

As I walked back home,I reconciled on my thoughts.
This war that had begun and ended , must be resumed. Not against anyone, but against us. Against the self. Questions should be shot at the intangible entity called conscience “ Am I being good bus driver? A good income tax officer? A good police officer? A good IAS officer? A good revenue offcier? A good taxi driver?A good business man? A good consumer? A good traffic police? Good student? Good teacher? We must ask it to ourselves. Answer it first. If you are content and guilt free, then blame any tom dick and harry.it’s accepted.

You might ask, how can a lay man bring a change?
I will tell you. The change must start from small things. Yes, from us.
If we really want to see the change, then we must be the change too.
Follow the traffic rules, pay the taxes correctly,throw the garbage in the dustbins only,pay the cable bill and current bill on time, don’t bribe to get the work done,seek the right to information, pay auto only by the meter charge..if we can list out things where we can correct ourselves we can.

This governemnt is ours. And it’s our responsilibity to correct it. If something is not right,we must stand up and have the courage to say it. Tell me ,if your house is on fire, do you blame your neighbour?
We compromise. Yes we do ! And when things go wrong, all of a sudden from no where our patriotism, the faults of others, the responsibilties all flush down..

It’s ok to bribe and get your liscene faster than 20 days..
It’s ok to convince the police with money and get off with traffic rules charge…
It’s ok to pay extra and get your work faster than others…
But it’s not ok..if government does not do it’s duties well..what justfication does this have?

I am not imagning an utopian world. Nor am I trying to be the saint. I am just reminding you and myself that ,change has to happen. And if it has to, then it must begin with us. As long as we are laid back, and think Mr. X, Mr. Y and Mr. Z will do it, then I assure you, they will not and things will remain the same.

If you really want to see the change,then bring it. Don’t wait for the second coming.
Be the change you want to see.

Fabuloso Viaje - A fantastic Journey

It begins with filling my heart.
All over.The Melancholy.
It streams down into the grooves of my heart, from the unknown origin.
The dark night outside, supervenes my restlesness.
A Restlessness. From where has it crept?
The wind roars outside,terrifying my fragility
---- What's making my heart heavy?
Is it the desire to have every thing?.....the urge to change something?
what is it?
The melancholy seeps down moving swiftly into my heart and nerves..I am sitting motionless--- I can no more bear the pain..tears roll down..
down and down..
the droplets that fall on my palm, mirror me, my drooped feeling-- a feeling to have everything.--- a feeling to change something.
Everyday i wake up with a desire to change the world and an urge to enjoy the world.
Its hard to do both. I realise.

I want to change everything around me.
When things don't go my way..I want to change those things...
But.. I drop down..
The zeal in me,
The want in me, is slowing down.
why can't I move up and break?
something is stopping me..
Is it a doubt..if I can reach the utopian?

I sense, am no more the only charioteer of my chariot.
If I were, things would go my way.
I heavily shut my eyes and lock them.
I turn around and walk down.Down in to my heart.Searching for the source.
I walk, walk and walk.deep, deep and deep.There is darkness, everywhere,everywhere.
No trace,no clue.
After hours, I see a light , far far away.
I see it..and I run, and run. fast and swift.panting, panting I stop.
Am catching my breath.There is light here, everywhere, everywhere.
Its the same world I see outside.At the same time, it's different.
There is light, everywhere here.
Immense and Intense.I shun my eyes from the glow.

The pasture beneath my feet is green and fresh..The sky far above me, is clear and bright..
There is silence here..yet, through it I can hear the water ripples..
the chirping birds...
the swinging branches....
the blooming flowers....
the buzzing bees...
Am in the wonderland?
Then I see a girl.
She is playing!
She has a bright face, lightened up with immense joy.
The Alice in the wonderland?
Lucky.I think and sigh.

Then, I suddenly hear a voice.Deep and Bold.
It starts speaking..
It says " You know her"
Perplexed, I reply " I don't"
" You do".
Am surprised now ...."Who is she?"
"She is you"
"I?" There is bewilderment in my eyes.
"yes the I, with a difference"
"???"
"Its an I with hope"
"hope?"
"si. She is like you. An 'I' with dream, vision and strength. But she has one thing more. The hope. The hope, to change. The hope to bring change. The hope to see change"
"???"
The bold voice says " You are the charioteer of your chariot.If things are not going your way, it's because of you.The world you see now, here, is your dream. A dream you have dreamt. A dream you want to live. You can make this dream live, only if....."
" if?"
"if...u have HOPE. never lose it. then you can do it"
"Do what?"
"what u dream" there is silence now.
After a long pause I hear the voice again.
It says "Be the alice in the wonderland"



Then, all of a sudden it ends.The voice and the light.I am pulled back.By the force and the wind.I am flying, backward.crossing the roads and the grooves, i had come by.I pass everything, in haste and speed.
I suddenly open. yes, my shut eyes.I unlock them and come out. My tears are dried.The deluge died.Outside, the dawn breaks.The sky drapes in orange. Its beams , slowly creeping up.I can no more hear the roars of the wind.There is breeze. The pleasent breeze from the far off land, rushes down , to soothen my bossom,to soothen my unknown pain, to soothen my hope and brushes me with a kiss...as a smile down"

Its My birthday!!

Hey...its my birthday today!! And it was a very very happy birthday..
Every year i just wait for this one day..coz this would be my day..and my day alone,and i would get all the attention I love!
Today was something very special...I am an employee now,and celebrated my whole day at office.
The previous night mom dad n bro had a yummy cake for me,and presented a cute little teddy!
All yesterday night i was busy with phone calls...and it was great to get that attention...
Today i got many gifts,by friends and collegues..and i bought myself a good book too from the exhibition that's put up @ our office.And the best part was,when i went in to buy a bag for myself...the shopkeeper, looking at my special dressing, asked if there was something special. To this i smiled and said that it was my birthday and began to stroll around to select a bag . Later, before giving me the bill he scribbled something on it and gave it to me ..as i eagerly took it to read, what he had written , i saw two lovliest words on it "happy birthday" . Don't you think, that made my day?! Yes it did actually :)
ha ha..on the whole had a lovely time..and i thank the one, sitting above, for giving me such a wonderful time and life every moment......:)