It begins with filling my heart.
All over.The Melancholy.
It streams down into the grooves of my heart, from the unknown origin.
The dark night outside, supervenes my restlesness.
A Restlessness. From where has it crept?
The wind roars outside,terrifying my fragility
---- What's making my heart heavy?
Is it the desire to have every thing?.....the urge to change something?
what is it?
The melancholy seeps down moving swiftly into my heart and nerves..I am sitting motionless--- I can no more bear the pain..tears roll down..
down and down..
the droplets that fall on my palm, mirror me, my drooped feeling-- a feeling to have everything.--- a feeling to change something.
Everyday i wake up with a desire to change the world and an urge to enjoy the world.
Its hard to do both. I realise.
I want to change everything around me.
When things don't go my way..I want to change those things...
But.. I drop down..
The zeal in me,
The want in me, is slowing down.
why can't I move up and break?
something is stopping me..
Is it a doubt..if I can reach the utopian?
I sense, am no more the only charioteer of my chariot.
If I were, things would go my way.
I heavily shut my eyes and lock them.
I turn around and walk down.Down in to my heart.Searching for the source.
I walk, walk and walk.deep, deep and deep.There is darkness, everywhere,everywhere.
No trace,no clue.
After hours, I see a light , far far away.
I see it..and I run, and run. fast and swift.panting, panting I stop.
Am catching my breath.There is light here, everywhere, everywhere.
Its the same world I see outside.At the same time, it's different.
There is light, everywhere here.
Immense and Intense.I shun my eyes from the glow.
The pasture beneath my feet is green and fresh..The sky far above me, is clear and bright..
There is silence here..yet, through it I can hear the water ripples..
the chirping birds...
the swinging branches....
the blooming flowers....
the buzzing bees...
Am in the wonderland?
Then I see a girl.
She is playing!
She has a bright face, lightened up with immense joy.
The Alice in the wonderland?
Lucky.I think and sigh.
Then, I suddenly hear a voice.Deep and Bold.
It starts speaking..
It says " You know her"
Perplexed, I reply " I don't"
" You do".
Am surprised now ...."Who is she?"
"She is you"
"I?" There is bewilderment in my eyes.
"yes the I, with a difference"
"???"
"Its an I with hope"
"hope?"
"si. She is like you. An 'I' with dream, vision and strength. But she has one thing more. The hope. The hope, to change. The hope to bring change. The hope to see change"
"???"
The bold voice says " You are the charioteer of your chariot.If things are not going your way, it's because of you.The world you see now, here, is your dream. A dream you have dreamt. A dream you want to live. You can make this dream live, only if....."
" if?"
"if...u have HOPE. never lose it. then you can do it"
"Do what?"
"what u dream" there is silence now.
After a long pause I hear the voice again.
It says "Be the alice in the wonderland"
Then, all of a sudden it ends.The voice and the light.I am pulled back.By the force and the wind.I am flying, backward.crossing the roads and the grooves, i had come by.I pass everything, in haste and speed.
I suddenly open. yes, my shut eyes.I unlock them and come out. My tears are dried.The deluge died.Outside, the dawn breaks.The sky drapes in orange. Its beams , slowly creeping up.I can no more hear the roars of the wind.There is breeze. The pleasent breeze from the far off land, rushes down , to soothen my bossom,to soothen my unknown pain, to soothen my hope and brushes me with a kiss...as a smile down"
