A talk with God.....

He was sitting on the rest chair, lonely placed on the beach.

The dusk had long gone by..and the moon was just raising to reign the night. The night was windy....

As i walked to him..I saw him giggling at me , and as I neared, his giggle turned to a laughter...

"What are you laughing at?" I reproached defiantly...

"Nothing it's just about the way you put your face" he smilingly said

I had nothing , to say..and i just shrugged.

With my coming he gently got up, and we walked along the sands of the beach. The night was windy, and the rhytmic waves gave a music.

He slowly began.."So my dear, what is that, upsetting you?".

" As though you are oblivious of everything happening around, father" I snapped

"I am sorry, I am trying to be serious. please tell me" He seemed to resist his smile beneath.

"Stop mocking at me father! I have a problem and you know that" I shot back, with my moist, swollen, red eyes

"oh my you are really sad!" he looked appalled.

Looking at my worn out face, he continued "ok let's get serious. I know you are sad at the way things are happening around you. But as I had told you earlier, you have to hold on"

" Hold on?My foot! Hold on to what? As i walk in the dark...and beg for an answer, beyond the moon you peep up and just smile.

when tears fill my eyes..and feel there is no one around, through the windy breeze you simply pass by.when i ask you again and again and again to tell me something..you simply walk away like a stranger"

"Don't you know that i do everything with a purpose dear?" he was calm and thoughtful now.

" Purpose father? " my voice was shivering. " you talk about purpose. of what use is that purpose, if i don't know why am being treated the way am being treated? what is the use of the purpose, if i don't know how is it gonna help me?"

"my dear...purpose is right there..and you are not looking at it"

i went to defend...but he stopped with the wave of his hand.

" You think i get fun, in making you all cry? My dearest, I don't. It's with great pain, that i see you suffering. Every problem , i give you has an intention. It is to make you better"

My fury was brimming out.."father." i sighed." In your name, for your sake , i beg, can you explain me, for what and why and how are we made better individuals? my problem is not about you giving me problems. my problem is for the unknown reason you give them to me or us"

He had to make his point..but i stopped "gimme a chance father"

" My school teacher in my 3rd class had given me 10/20 in a test. when i went in and asked the reason for such poor grade, she made me sit beside her and told me, that i had made 2 spelling mistakes in my first answer, 2

grammar mistakes in the second answer..a mistake here, there and one here."

He had a quiziccal expression on his face.

I continued " you see this father, She told me, why had i been given less marks. I thought i shall correct from there on, satisfied i left. But....when i ask you aloud "father why are you giving me this" you tell me nothing. nothing means nothing. And i grope in the dark for an answer, but of no avail"

All this while he was simply smiling. he slowly said "you will not understand even though i explain you child "

And that infuriated me.

"Alright, have it your way then." I sighed. "If thou are so determined to make me cry and lose over my confidence, then let me tell you something I shall not. I shall not allow myself to lose thy confidence. Let the stars turn off...let sky go dark..let the leaves wither away. I promise, to myself, that i shall stand by. You want to see, how i look when i cry? I am sorry, i shall not give you that chance.I love my life, and am not gonnna brood over it. I know i am strong and shall remain so."

Saying this, I furiously walked away. Tears trippled down my cheeks. But i hurried for the fear of he stopping me. But he seemed to be standing where he was. And I didn't look back.

Then , i heard him aloud saying " my dearest..!!"

I stopped, my back facing him.

"I bet, the classroom test could not have taught, what you just felt and spoke!"

I started to move without looking at him.

His anxious voice was heard again aloud "Don't go away like that dear. Remember, every word i say, you are never given a problem that you cannot solve. And know that I love you more than you love me"

This time i stopped and looked back.

He was 10 feet away from where i was standing. In the dim lit moon light I could see his serene face. He was smiling, the way he always did. He whispered...in his lowest voice...and the wind carried his words to me " See you tomorrow. I shall wait for you" He smiled and left.

When are you coming..?

The night is dark.
The crickets din is soothing.
The moon light spreads the silver light all across the grass lands.
The hard rocks, brown and strong stand erect.
On one of them I sit, with my bare feet kissing the hard cold stone.
There is no movement anywhere.
My eyes gaze at the far round moon, blissfully seated beyond the horizon.

Awaiting you...I sit here for long
Do I have to wait till the break of dawn?

Now….. The cool breeze blows down…
It’s the Wild West wind, bringing along with it the aroma of silence, sweetness and bliss
The chilly wind, brushes my cheek...Curls down my hair and runs down my spine
With a whooshing sound it creates a music…to which the flowers sway…leaves flutter and water tappers…

The moon raises high beyond the horizon…as though seated on an invisible cradle
With a smile decorating my face…a hope brightening my eyes…a blush beautifying my fragility
I sit in silence, awaiting you.
I wait in silence.
I wait in earnest.

But the silence seems to be eternal…
The wind is still blowing
The leaves still fluttering
The flowers still swaying
The world is sleeping and I am waiting
How long?

The eagerness blended with love…
Colored with innocence…
Spiced with blissful music…and brewed with restlessness…personifies into a tear drop. The tear trickles down my cheek and drops on to my palm.
There is still silence. And my eyes are moist.
How long?

Now...a little while later…all of a sudden
The sleeping wind awakes…It rushes down from the mountains behind…and runs to the horizon in eagerness, and whirls there for a while…and comes back to me in a hurry…
It makes a whooshing sound…creeps into my hair and encircles me around!
It teases my smile and brushes my cheek…
And eagerly whispers in my ears ‘coming!’
To this my eyes liven, tears dry…and lips curve to make a smile
The Wild West wind runs down all over, spreading ‘your coming’
Hearing this flowers beam…!
Leaves flutter…!
Grass sways…!
The water ripples down murmuring a sweet music…’at last you are coming’ they sing
At the behest of moon, the sky is decorated with stars…
At the behest of the water… the ripples play the music…
At the behest of the wind … the aroma spreads the flavor of love and joy…
The leaves and the flowers sway and dance in delight…
There is laughter, love and bliss…
we are all waiting....'when are you coming?’

The New year Takes off..!!!!

The new year was ushered in at the break of dawn.The chirping birds..the cool winter breeze...the bright green leaves...the small dew drops...the first sobre sunrays and my sleepy heartful smile...gave the year a flamboyant welcome.
As I stretched my body, and came out of the bed, I swiftly said my prayers, and reaffirmed my resolution of the year, and 'thud!' jumped out.
Somewhere inside, i was not filled with complete energy. Courtesy - my mom was not in town, secondly my sweet little granny had just been out of danger, from an unexpected health problem. So that anxiety was still persisting somewhere. But i had decided to make it a lovely day.
After my sumptuous break fast, cooked by my dearest dad, i left for CSS - Centre for Social Service, where i teach a bunch of girls, every fortnight. I had promised that i shall come to see them.
They were delighted to see me..and i was wished 'happy new year' and my hand was shook by 45 hands..almost all at once :) I spent a few hours with them, and rushed to my cousins' place as i had promised to come along with her for a movie - ghajini - a remake of tamil to hindi. To be very honest, and unbiased, I preferred the original. The Hindi one was a little boring. First because, it was a repetition - second , surya the tamil hero - being my favourite, i cast my votefor him ;) - thirdly my cousin, as though she didn't know i was unable to enjoy the movie, like a back ground music, began her comparision with the Tollywood and Bollywood industry, where she was against the former, and that infuriated me.
Being a South Indian , i was furious on the unnecessary comparision about 'telugu and tamil heroes vs hindi hereos' 'telugu and tamil songs vs hindi songs' 'telugu and tamil direction vs hindi' etc etc etc. Some of it might have been true, but i was not ready to take it.
A couple of days back, i had received an invitation from my uncle for a concert on jan 1st at Ravindra Bharathi (Hyderabadis will be aware of this conventional hall).
The concert was 'ila paata', which means 'whistel song'. Yes you are imagining it right. The music expert, Mr. Siva Prasad, sang song through whistles. He whistled all the Indian raagas, with the Carnatic orchestra. I was suppose to go there in the evening, and I rushed there after the movie.
I was not very much welcoming the idea, of going, as i was dog tired. But to keep up the promise i rushed. I was already late, and i badged inside. I was expecting my school friend too, when i immediately found her, I hurriedly went and sat beside.
looking at me, she gave a splash smile - meaning a smile that dissappears faster than it appears. 'you are late' she whispered. It sounded more like a hiss. 'I am sorry, I was late' I whispered back. ' I know. I just said the same, if you remember.' she hissed back.
The concert was very soothing and so was the A/C. We listened in silence for sometime.
My friend was hungry and she urged me to go out and eat something. All through our small walk, i explained my friend the reasons for my delay, and patiently told her about my ''not very excited. but quite happy' mood. When we reached we ordered for juice. Being a small place to sit, we decided to just stroll around as we drank.
We both are very good friends actually. We don't meet many times, but when we do..we have an infinite list of things to talk about. Being a vociferous speaker, I was excitedly narrating things to her with animated expressions, when i was interrupted by a 'madam' addressal. When i turned back, there was a boy in blue pants and shirt, with a napkin drooping over his shoulder.
Yes, he was the server boy of the hotel. I for a second, thought, if we had ordered for something and he had got it. But we had not.
My friend, also perplexed, asked 'yes?' Now looking at me he asked " Are you a film actress?". I was taken aback. My first attention went to my dress. no i was not dressed gawdy. A little hesistant by the question i replied ' no i am not'. He continued "No madam, you look like one. i feel i have seen you in a movie ' This time it was a jolt for me!! "ha ha ha ha me?!!Good gracious!!" i thought inside. But outside I maintained a balanced expression and nodded my head as no. He too nodded his head, in a way you do when you are disappointed about something, and slowly left the place.
My friend was watching me from the corner of the eye, when our eyes met, we burst out into laughter.On our way back she said " kyaa yaaar..okka rojulo heroine huh??!" (what's this heroine in a one day). I was smiling and said to her " Whatever it is lady...i don't know if he was kidding me.But this incident made my day!!" Our discussions, titled on to many other things...and we reached the hall, listened to the concert for a while and left.
That night when i reached home, I got a call from my mom saying my sweet little granny was getting better. On my bed, before i bid adieu to the new year's first day, i thanked two people.
One was my mom, for giving me a good news about my granny.The second one was the server boy in blue pants, who mistook me to be a heroine. :) His prank, (if it is at all, because through his face it genuinely seemed that he mistook me for a heroine;))gave in some kind of confidence. It just made me happy.
And am sure, this new year for me, will be memorable one in a quite different way..!!!!